Although the idea is hilarious and we need a joke every now and than or we go nuts:
I guess designing a family needs size "toilet paper making machinery" 3D printable would be the less funny but more objective approach to shitty times.
Starting with how to turn useless cardboard and paper scrap into paper pulp (just add water and blend the hell out of it)
than how to add biodegradable glue (rice boiled till gets mushy, than blender again to make it squishy),
OK till here all we needed was a strong blender and a stove or hob,a few pots, but than you need to mix the two in right proportions, (dual funneling corkscrew extruder that can be obtained from a motorized meat mincer plus a dual funnel printed with actuated blinds to keep the mix proportions without you being there)
than it should go in some sort of rollers that press it in form squeezing the water excess out of the sheet (and eventually embossing some models, I guess we could 3D print the parts, but not the motors)
and from there it should go on a dryer racking system of accumulation like 10 rollers next to floor level and 10 rollers next to ceiling level and some warm air blowing over it to eliminate all water, than two squeeze rolls to grab the sheet and drag it towards the coiling bobbin, end of the dryer,
and finally the coiling bobbin motorized part where you fit the cardboard core, glue to it the sheet, gets coiled up into your famous "loo roll" (if you don't know what is that, google for it).
And I guess one should stay there and watch it, cut the paper when the roll is full, change the core, glue the paper to the new core, wait, and again, and again,
or we can imagine an automation that does that too and than stacks them on some platform one by one.
Are you in?